


"All I Want"

by hlizzier23



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Ian Gallagher Loves Mickey Milkovich, M/M, Married Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:23:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24342733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hlizzier23/pseuds/hlizzier23
Summary: In the same day Ian lost the love of his life and his mother. Over the next years he struggles with the loss of two of the people he loves most. He quickly gets over Monica, but there is still something missing. Ian tries to ignore it but he life quickly turns into a mess. (A fill in/ my take on what happened between the border scene and when Ian and Mickey were reunited in prison)
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Kudos: 45





	"All I Want"

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This fic is inspired by the song "All I Want" By Kodaline. I always hated how we never really got to see how Ian felt after losing Mickey. I decided to write what I think happened and how Ian felt between the last episode of season 7 to season 9. I don't usually write like this but I like the way it turned out and I hope you do too. Enjoy!

“All I want is nothing more to hear you knocking at my door” 

In one day Ian lost the love of his life and mother. 

No matter how many times Ian pushed Mickey away, they always ended up together. After the break up Ian tried to forget Mickey. But how could he? He tried sleeping with other people, which then ended with him dating them, but he never felt that thrill he did when he was with Mickey. 

Most of their relationship was spent with Ian in a manic daze, but he was happy. It may have been selfish to push him away, but he thought it was the right thing to do. He had put Mickey through more pain than he deserved. Mickey wanted the best for him, Ian knows that now but at the time he didn’t. 

He didn’t realize how much he truly loved Mickey until he saw him for the first time in years under those highschool bleachers. Mickey was his world, his first love, he didn’t want to let him go but he had to. 

He had to say goodbye. Ian had his shit together, he had moved on for the most part. He was finally feeling like himself again. He was living a semi normal life. One like he always dreamed about. 

Something was missing though. And that something was Mickey. No matter how many times he tried to deny it, Mickey was, Mickey is his soulmate. He didn’t want to leave him at the border, but he had to. Illegally going to a foregin country with a fugitive wasn’t what Ian wanted. Well, he did, he wanted to go but he couldn’t. Not when he was finally happy and healthy. He only went with Mickey for closure because he thought that was the last time he would ever see him again.

He loved that man, but he wasn’t that reckless teenager he was not too long ago. 

His mom on the other hand was a different story. Most of Ian’s life was spent hating Monica. She was an awful mother. She left her kids. She only came back when it was beneficial for herself. She was a selfish piece of shit. 

Even though he hated her, he felt a connection that none of his other siblings had. As much as he hated to admit it they were so similar. 

Ian didn’t know why he called Monica out of everyone when he was released from military prison, but he did. Everyone else in his life wanted to change him. He was too out of it to know they really just wanted what was best for him. 

He was somehow able to forgive Monica. Not completely but he didn’t feel that hatred the rest of the Gallaghers did. She was his mother after all. Losing her was harder than he thought. He spent most of his life praying she would die so she could never cause anymore pain to him or the rest of his family. But now that she was gone Ian felt empty. He missed her. 

After a few months Ian got over it though. He reminded himself she wasn’t a good person. Yeah, he did miss her but at least now she was in a better place. She couldn’t cause anymore damage. 

His pain from losing Monica slowly went away, but he still felt empty. Like some part of him was still missing. It was Mickey. Mickey was that piece of him that was missing. 

“When you said your last goodbye I died a little bit inside I lay in tears in bed all night alone without you by my side” 

Ian spent many of his days missing his soulmate. He tried ignoring it, but he couldn’t. He tried to not admit it but he missed Mickey. He needed Mickey. 

Most nights Ian laid in bed thinking. Thinking about all those years he spent with Mickey. Everything they went through. How much Mickey had changed, how much he had changed for Ian. 

Mickey did everything for Ian and what did Ian do in return? He hurt him. Ian hurt him too many times to count, but Mickey stuck around. Ian pushed Mickey away, but somehow he always ended up coming back. 

Ian began feeling lost. Empty. Sad. 

No one understood him. The two people who understood him the most were gone. And it was all Ian’s fault. 

“But if you loved me why’d you leave me? Take me body take my body all I want is and all I need is to find somebody I’ll find somebody like you” 

Ian tried to get rid of these thoughts and feelings with Caleb and Trevor. It only worked for a little while though. It was like covering a bullet wound with a bandaid. It stopped the blood but only for a short moment. 

For a short time Ian was happy with Caleb and then with Trevor. But again it was like covering a bullet wound with a bandaid. It only fixed the problem for a short amount of time. 

Yes, Ian liked these men, but he knew he would never love them. He could never love anyone, at least not like he loved, loves, Mickey.   
It had only been a few months since he lost Mickey. He expected the pain to go away like it did with Monica. But it didn’t. The pain in his heart only got worse with time. 

He began feeling strong emotions. These emotions were familiar. They were the same ones he felt just a short time before he pushed Mickey away for the first time. It was an easy fix to make these emotions go away. A quick trip to the doctor, a change of dose in his lithium, a few days of feeling nothing and then he would be back to himself. 

But truthfully Ian could never be back to himself. Not without Mickey. 

Ian didn’t want these emotions to go away. They were new emotions. They were stronger than the Mickey sized pain in his heart, so he let them stay. 

Ian had been through too much in the past few months. He lost his soulmate, his mother, got his shitty life back on track, got a new boyfriend, got a job he liked, ended it with his boyfriend, became manic again, met his current boyfriend, and started helping out homeless kids. What more would not taking his medicine do? 

Ian quickly lost control of himself. He became a different person. Staying up all hours of the night, not eating, spending way to much time focused on Trevors kids, and then the gay Jesus stuff happened. 

He didn’t care how crazy he might have been acting. He wasn’t missing Mickey anymore. He wasn’t feeling that emptiness anymore. He was feeling new and different emotions and that was all that mattered. 

Eventually everything got out of hand. Now that there was no trace of lithium in his system he couldn’t control anything he was doing. The medicated Ian would never blow up a van for a bunch of homeless kids, but here he was standing in front of a burning van. 

He was off his meds but laws are laws. You can’t commit arson and not spend time in prison.

So now Ian Gallagher, who was a good smart kid bound for greatness not that many years ago was now serving a 2-5 year prison sentence. 

“‘Cause you brought out the best of me a part of me I’d never seen you took my soul and wiped it clean our love was made for movie screens”

Ian and Mickey were soulmates. They were meant for each other. There was no other person in the world that could love Ian or Mickey the way they loved each other. 

Someone once said no matter what soulmates will always end up with each other. And here we are. Mickey and Ian back with each other yet again. Ian knew this time he wouldn’t push Mickey away. He saw what happened the last time he did. Ian couldn’t live his life without Mickey Milkovich. 

Now here they were. Happy and Married. 

Six months after the wedding Ian and Mickey layed in bed with their limbs wrapped around each other. 

Mickey was sound asleep with his head tucked into the crook of Ian’s neck. Ian layed in bed next to his soul mate and thought about his life. Everything he and Mickey went through. How hard both of their lives had been. But the hard part was over. Now they were married and happy and could finally live the life they were bound to live. With each other. 

Tears began forming in Ian’s eyes as he thought about their journey. He loved this man and no matter what he would never let him go. He couldn’t. Not after everything they went through. Mickey was Ian’s and only Ian’s. Marriage was going to be a journey but this was going to be a journey they would take together. As Ian and Mickey Gallagher- Milkovich. 

“What’re you thinkin’ about,” Mickey said as he slowly pulled himself from the deep sleep he was just in.

Ian looked down at Mickey, his husband, and smiled. 

“Just thinking about how much we’ve been through and how i'm never going to let you go,” Ian said, whipping the stray tears on his pale freckled cheeks that had fallen from his eyes. Mickey sucked in a breath like he was going to say something but before he could say anything Ian began talking again. “I love you Mickey, more than anything,” 

Mickey smiled and looked up at his beautiful husband. The room was dark but Mickey could clearly see Ian’s perfect features in the light of the dim street lights seeping through the window. 

“Love you too Gallagher. Even though you’re a big fuckin’ sap,” Mickey replied with a little breathy chuckle. 

Ian just smiled down at his husband and placed a soft kiss on his lips. They fell asleep in each other's arms like they did every night. This life was perfect. They were finally happy and free and together. Ian has all he’s ever wanted right here right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it! I got this idea while listening to the song and wrote it in a few hours, so it's not my best work. I hope you still enjoyed it. Please feel free to leave comments and kudos! Thank you!


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